Dealing With Mommy Guilt


 “When you’re a terrific mom and you set a high standard for yourself and then one day you drop below that standard and next thing you know you feel unworthy and unfit to be a mom.

Jane Rosa


Social Media Influence on Expectations

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The influence of social media on our expectations surpasses any prior generation. The pressure to attain perfection is particularly burdensome for new parents. Recall the extensive list of items you purchased because online recommendations deemed them necessary. Did they prove genuinely useful? Most likely not. This is the contemporary dilemma confronting mothers; they are continually bombarded with ideals of perfection, resulting in unfavorable self-comparisons and profound guilt.

Illusion of Perfection on Social Media

On social media, we are inundated with images of pristine homes, joyous children, impeccably groomed mothers, financially secure families, and abundant quality time spent on creative activities with our youngsters. However, this is an illusion. Social media’s primary objective is to portray perfection before the camera’s click. In truth, we all contribute to this facade. So why should we believe we are the sole individuals grappling with life’s imperfections? It’s time to shift our perspective and declare, “I am providing my children, whom I’ve chosen to bring into this world, the best life I can, one filled with love and devotion.”

Unrealistic Comparisons

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Why do we subject ourselves to unrealistic comparisons and set impossibly high standards, only to disappoint ourselves? It is an exercise in futility to measure ourselves against strangers on the internet or anyone else for that matter. Why, you ask? The answer is that each of us leads a distinct life. Comparing apples to apples is unfeasible, as we all live unique, independent lifestyles. Our partners are distinct individuals, our financial circumstances and capabilities a blend of different elements, and our family schedules are never identical. Our children are unique, guided by our distinct influence. Consider, for example, a woman in her 30s with infants – her life would differ significantly from that of her 20s, marked by varying energy levels and financial stability. Comparisons are futile; we all embark on distinct motherhood journeys.

The Perceived Incompetence

External influences often lead us to doubt our parenting and family-raising abilities. How frequently have you received unsolicited parental advice, only to later contemplate that it differs from your approach?

The Impossible Task of Pleasing Everyone

We cannot please our children, spouses, parents, siblings, friends, caregivers, or bosses simultaneously. Striving to please everyone is a Sisyphean task. Most of our time, energy, and resources are dedicated to our children, leaving us with little to offer others at the end of the day. This is the unvarnished reality. Many mothers conclude their days pondering, “What could I have done differently?”


Extend Self-Compassion

Extend unending forgiveness to yourself. Bestow grace upon your own being. Your children adore you, fully aware of your reciprocal affection. It’s an undeniable fact; we harbor profound love for all children in our hearts. We impart new wisdom to them each day. We instill essential survival skills, the practice of benevolence and empathy, and the pursuit of optimal well-being.

Imperfection Unites Mothers

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No mother on this planet attains perfection; we’ve all encountered imperfections. Each day unfolds as a fresh opportunity to refine and pursue a different path. Embrace your strengths and perceive your weaknesses as avenues for growth and learning, customized to benefit your unique family. Always remember that you, your child, and your family defy categorization. It’s the exceptional circumstances that set each family apart, for no two families are indistinguishable.

You Are an Outstanding Mother – Conclusion

You are an exceptional mother, having already sacrificed extensively as a woman. Do not allow maternal guilt to overshadow the achievements you’ve already accomplished. Refrain from measuring your standards against those of other mothers. Your bar is distinct, weighed differently from theirs. Allow external judgments to fade into the background. Whether they carry good intentions or not, you possess complete authority and the ability to determine what burdens you will carry. Embrace this journey, and persist in what you do best: being the paramount mother for your children.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. What is the definition of “Mommy Guilt” provided in the article?

The article defines “Mommy Guilt” as the overwhelming feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy experienced by mothers when they fail to meet the high standards they set for themselves as parents. This emotional struggle often arises when they perceive a drop in their own parenting standards.

2. How does social media impact parental expectations, particularly for new parents?

Social media significantly influences parental expectations by presenting an idealized version of parenthood. It creates immense pressure for new parents to achieve unrealistic standards, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-comparison. This influence is discussed in the article to highlight the challenges it poses for parents.

3. What is the “Illusion of Perfection” on social media, and why is it discussed in the article?

The “Illusion of Perfection” on social media refers to the portrayal of flawless lives, particularly in the context of parenthood. It’s discussed in the article to emphasize that this portrayal is often far from reality. Social media’s primary goal is to depict perfection before the click of the camera, and the article encourages readers to shift their perspective and acknowledge the disparity between these portrayals and real life.

4. How does the article address the issue of unrealistic comparisons and setting high standards?

The article addresses the issue of unrealistic comparisons and setting high standards by highlighting that comparing oneself to others, especially on the internet, is counterproductive. Each person leads a unique life, and comparing like with like is impossible. This practice often leads to disappointment and self-doubt, which the article aims to discourage.

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